The Ausrtralian Armed Services, how we glorify this thing, make it into something special, make killing into something special.
There is a big difference between American and Australian soldiers, the biggest difference has nothing to do with the soldier themself, it is the purpose of the soldier, the integrity in which this is put on show by their government. If you have met American forces, been part of their operations you understand that these guys are literally bodies for bullets, regardless their trade, their purpose is to absorb bullets. This is what they are employed for, however the government hiring them does not hide the fact.
Aussies do, they hide the fact, not the fact that we are also bodies for bullets, which we are. The hide the fact that we mean absolutely nothing to our government, our countries, absolutely nothing. That is, of course, until a purpose becomes available which has the potential to bring attention to the political powers that be. A journalist being kidnapped is a good one but the very best thing a soldier can do in Australia for it’s government is to die, this is the preferred outcome for all soldiers sent on deployment.
Something terrible happens to an Australian soldier and it can be glorified, primarily glorified for political gain.
If I was ever to have a right to be angry about something this is the number one of all. I reckon you might agree.
Australian’s we glorify war like nothing else, it is disgusting. Absolutely disgusting that we glorify, honor and encourage something so awful. People die in the most horrendous of ways in this thing, innocent people, people adrift from the political power circle and war mongering scabs. Add to the disgusting no war, with the exception of the genocide within these borders, has ever been Australia’s war, we have just got ourselves involved in others. Of course we have to glorify it, it is the only way we can even start to cover our own sins, our conrinued sins.
War is not about glory, not for those that it impacts the most. I saw two men commit suicide, it was obvious beyond doubt this is what they were doing, death and freedom from the awful was their goal.
War stinks, it literally smells, the stress is the foundation of this smell, it goes nowhere ever. The streets stink like shit, there are noises continuously that one can only imagine in over-dramatised movies, explosion and booms and bangs. Sirens, people screaming, emergency situations happen continuously. Most people affected do not point a weapon at anybody, they do not hold one in defence.
Two men committed suicide, I was barely 200 metres away in the air above them, I could almost see their expressions. Heartbreaking is not the word when you watch something like this, there are no words for how much it breaks open everything you ever thought about your species.
The two men were running over the bridge completely unprotected, they were holding up weapons and firing towards the walls of the Green Zone. It wasn’t dumb, they weren’t trying to be heroes, they were killing themselves.
There were two burnt out bombed cars on the bridge, one 250 metres from the walls and the other about 225 metres. The men got to the first vehicle, possibly reloaded and kept pushing forward. There was not a sound or a movement from the sentries on the Green Zone walls but everybody knew they were there, we all knew it was only a matter of time before the inevitable.
Then it happened, the men reached the closer of the two cars and an almight sound rang out from the walls, it could be heard above the noise of the chopper, it was not just the one maching gun, or even two. The two men were lifted in the air by the impact, by the time the firing finished they were well behind the furthest of the two cars. Both men were thrown over 25 metres by machine gun fire, it was fucking horrendous.
I cannot unsee this, no matter how much I want to and how much healing work I do I cannot unsee this, it is not possible. I do not want to unsee it, this is the capacity of my species, we are all capable of this hatred and desperation. But how I would love to be able to unsee it at the same time.
Suicide was undoubted, I doubt they were even aiming at anyone when they were firing. If these men wanted to have a chance of doing some damage, of killing anybody, they would have pointed their weapons at the chopper I and 10 or so other soldiers were in. We were closer than the wall, we were significantly less protected, these men did not want to kill anybody but themselves.
I do not know how this does not destroy your very being like it does mine, I do not understand.
The Army let me and seven SAS soldiers down, they let us down in the most terrible way in the most terrible circumstance.
I was assigned to an SAS team sent to Iraq to recover a kidnapped journalist. This man chose to go to a war zone for personal gain and got himself kidnapped. The Australian Government then sacrificied seven men and put another man’s life in additional danger than what it already was.
Next, they made sure they amplified that danger without the slightest care in the world.
I had 30 minutes to be ready to move with the team when the word to move forward with the operation was confirmed, this was my first knowledge of it. Others of course knew well before me but I wasn’t of need to know until I was needed.
P.S. This is the toppest of top secret stuff that I am supposed to never ever say a word about. But, I figure, since the Australian Government projects no integrity in anything it does I cannot possibly be expected to maintain its secrets, this is hypocrisy, hypocrisy is violence and I do not participate in violence.
Just before moving with the convoy I was thrown a LOBS, Liasion Officer’s Briefcase System, it’s a simple device used to maintain primarily data communications, email, between where we are and the base. We also have a satellite phone but this thing is designed to work everywhere, it is our safety blanket.
Apparently the machine has been in country for a while but nobody said anything about it. There is so much time on deployment that soldier’s look to fill, somnething like testing this machine and playing around with would have been great. As it happened however the first time I was made aware of it was walking from the Aussie HQ to the vehicle that was waiting outside.
An additional note, I was posted to the IRR, Incident Response Regiment, our very role was mobile and short-notice support for activities all over the world. We worked light-weight and were very good at what we did, one of the systems that we practiced ad nauseam was the LOBS. In our detachment vehicles we would get somewhere, set up the LOBS, confirm communications back to HQ and then proceed to the more advanced systems that took longer. Ultimately however, no matter where we went, we had communications up and running in moments, not even minutes.
Firstly as luck would have it we did not find ourselves in some shithole bunker, most of the initial operation started in the heart of Baghdad so our first stop was the Green Zone and there was no need for the LOBS just yet. We were there for three days and I tested the crap out of this thing, nothing at all worked. Within three hours I knew this machine was completely kaput, we knew without it the only communications we had was a satellite phone, this was not ideal.
I asked Australian HQ for another, they responded that there was not another one in Iraq and we would have to make do. The response, the have to make do, was very confusing to me and I am sure, the other guys too. We all accepted it but I am sure they were thinking what I was, make do? In Iraq? A war zone? Without reliable communications? Possibly in some shithole bunker in the middle of buttfuck nowhere?
Hmmm, you’re the boss.
The SAS, I am sure it was on their own accord, flew in a specialist from their support unit, 152 Signals Squadron. He bought his own machine that worked, we were ready to go and just in time, we left maybe 12 hours after he arrived in country.
Him and I tested the one I was given again, he gave me looks at the start like maybe I didn’t know what I was doing. I was a shit soldier in regards to my trade, the army sending me to a warzone was an abhorration, me letting myself go was a greater one. I was the biggest mistake in this decision.
At the end of the testing he knew that I definitely knew what I was doing, fortunately this was the one part of my job I was an absolute jet at, well this and all the physical stuff. The SAS kept me with them for the duration of the operation, I was an acceptable backup and I fit in with them to a degree, simply through being quiet and listening.
It was great to watch these guys work, I didn’t get to see them out and about but what they did with their preparation, recovery, discussions was up there with the pinnacle of professionalism. I learnt a lot from these guys that I have implemented into my healing spaces.
The mission was a success in the end, a beautiful success from Australia’s perspective. The SAS took many people in for questioning, got every piece of information they needed to find their man, from what I hear some of the information they recovered also played an important role in finding Saddam.
The beautiful success comes down to these men however, these men who have had a really tough time in the media and for good reason but they are amazing, this team was amazing. They did all this, we were on mission for five or six weeks, multiple times per week they went into unkown territory, each time they came back with people who had questions to answer, they did not fire a single bullet.
Let me repeat this, this team who spent five or more weeks in a war zone, going in and out of the most vulnerable situations known to man, did their job of recovering a kidnapped journalist without firing a single bullet, without killing another human being.
They did all this and their government, their army was willing to let them go without the security of being able to communicate with those that matter should we have found ourselves in a shit storm.
Yes, I have the right to be angry, as do the seven other men with me, extend this to ever service person that has ever represented this country in every way. The Australian Army and Government failed us all.
Two or three weeks later I submitted my discharge papers, maybe the above had a part to play but it was not the motivation. I was bullied after this, the last month of my deployment I was treated like shit. People, one Warrant Officer in particular, just assumed my money run was done and now I am done. Were these people to ask me my reason I would have told them, it was a pretty simple explanation.
I loved the army, adored it, was a shit soldier from a regimental perspective but from a physical and accepting of the challenge perspective there has been little better. I loved the hard work and screaming and shouting, it wasn’t scary like my Dad, it was like Sesame Street where it becomes fun in the end, you realise it is a stupid game. A fun stupid game though made by people who have no aptitude for creativity or leadership.
I wanted to stay but I really struggled in Sydney where I had been for three years, it was time to move on. My posting preferences I put wherever, my preferences of places I did not want to go I put all Sydney, I needed to leave.
When I got back from the operation with the SAS it was only maybe two weeks before my new posting letter arrived. I opened the letter, put in my discharge and did not give it a second thought. Then, without a word, without any discussion the bullying occured. I had every right to discharge, Sydney was destroying my soul, I had come from a town of 150 people to the biggest in the country. It was hard, I made it clear I did not want to be there, the Army posted me back there anyway.
I had every right to put in my discharge papers, I had no right to be bullied in the way that I was.
Two decades later I find myself homeless and desperate. I am sleeping in the Tasmanian bush in a hammock freezing. I have no food options at all with the exception of weetbix, what I can forage and if I really needed to I could have collected road kill.
12 months earlier I tried to access some of my near $250k in superannuation through hardship payments so that I did not have to reach this point, so that I could continue to try and adapt my thing to make it work. This money would have ensured making my way to the nearest cliff and removing the intense struggle from my existence was not a process of thought, this was not fun.
I was told I cannot because I do not meet the criteria? The criteria I questioned, I am running out of money, I am almost flat broke, feeding myself is going to become very difficult, my bank account shows this beyond doubt, what do you mean I do not meet the criteria? You do not meet the criteria because you have not been on government payments for a continuous 26-week period. ‘So, you are saying to me that my government needs to make sure it has it’s foot on my throat, that it controls me, that I am completely dependant on it before I can bring the basic safety necessities to my life when I have the money sitting there that can do it?’
Well, Fred, Superannuation and 65 and retirement and blah blah etcetera. ‘What good is my money being there when I am 65 when I am dead at 41? A high chance for people in situations as desperate as mine.’ It’s the law, it’s the way it is.
It’s the law, it’s the way it is. This is literally the comment everybody I talk to gets to and is unwilling to help or do anything beyond it regardless of it undoubtedly being the right thing. Everyone does nothing, absolutely nothing, they all do the wrong thing. This is ridiculous, a man can go to war, be put in extra unnecessary danger through faulty equipment, the government will make continuous ad hoc changes for a privileged man kidnapped at war but will not let one of the men responsible for recovering him access his own money to stay alive.
Not only that, this government will happily watch as the same man sits on their steps and starves to death in front of their faces. All the while walking past saying, tough story, somebody should do something but, oh well, it’s the law, too hard. I’d actually have to do something for once rather than just pretend to.
I tried to get on Centrelink, they would not let me, not unless I was willing to abuse employees. Only could I go on this thing if I was going to lie and pretend I was interested in taking jobs, simply applying for jobs to put money in my pocket, wasting other people’s already time poor lives, abusing them for my own selfishness. Nope, I would not do this, therefore I could also not even think about my Super.
Fortunately, I was able to access some under compasionate grounds, I got my teeth fixed. I got every single thing that was wrong with my teeth fixed, with the exception of them not being straight but that is what it is. All my teeth, bar my wisdoms, are still in my mouth and they will be for years to come. I will not be in jeopardy of having to see another dentist anytime soon.
Finally in October last year I was able to get on it, I was literally walking to the highest cliffs in Australia when I decided to give it one more go. The bloke listened to me, heard my story, heard me say over and over and over again that I will not accept this money if I have to abuse people, I will not.
The Centrelink guy got me on without me having to lie or abuse people, he represented me, well so I thought. Three months later it was clear iot was all rubbish, my payments were cut off and I looked at what he wrote to bring this money to my life, it was bullshit, I would not lie to save my life but he did, what bullshit.
Fortunately, this was maybe a week after I hit my hand with the chainsaw, I could not work medically and was given an exemption which carries me to the point which I need to get to for my money, the security moving forward. Being military this is my one benefit here, I get to double up.
My flights out are booked, looking into accommodation now, the first few months away are close to paid for. The super and any extra money I have is what I have if the RSL doesn’t get onto this pension stuff. I’ll have enough for 18 months without healing payments for the work I will continue to do, that’s all I need and if I have to I’ll come back and repeat this current process.
It won’t be a repeat though, I have many places to come back to now if I need to leave Australia, not having security is behind me. There will be no desperation if I need to return.