Dear Woman,
I write to you today because I miss you. All though I do not understand the need for my continued isolation from you I know that it is necessary, I know you will come to me when I am ready, when you are ready, I will not pressure you no matter how much I miss you.
I am not a feminist, I refuse to seperate myself from my brothers, I am not a meninist, I do not represent this terrible thing. I do too simply by looking like, projecting myself, choosing to identify as a man. I am an equalist, I do not believe that equality is the way, I pursue it because I know it.
I know equality is equality. There is no gender, race, language, religion, imaginary border or belief system in equality. Not one is more important than the other, none has the rights to rights the others do not.
My physical appearance, my strength, my ability to look you in the eye as you are unable to look into mine does not make me different to you. My physicality and masculinity does not void me of compassion, care, empathy, love, nurture, the ability to act from my heart. These are not qualities reserved for the feminine of our species.
Your femininity, physical appearance does not make you fragile, weak, incapable of looking me in the eye, unable to stand on your own two feet for the shit that needs standing up for. Strength, leadership, aggression are not reserved for the masculine.
My feelings, emotions, care, love, inner strength have nothing to do with my sex, they come from my being, they represent my heart, the heart within every human being. We are all the same, physical appearance means nothing, it is not a tool of separation.
In fact I know, as you do, that to pursue equality with any other motivation other than equality is not equality. Revenge, abusing innocents who have done nothing to you simply because they represent the roots of your trauma is violence, it is the same violence that was done to you, you are the violent now. The same violence you are screaming to remove while you project it onto others, how can you not see what you actually contribute to the world?
Woman, I miss you, I will do nothing for you. I will not prioritise you, our relationship will not bring you rewards or advantages, you cannot sell or give yourself to me, I can not and do not want to own you, I will never see another person as a possession. I want nothing from you, I need nothing from you, you can give me nothing I cannot give myself.
The only thing I want from you is to be who you are, the closest thing I have to a need is that you let me be who I am. I will stay with you because I want to, because this thing with you brings value to my life, together we bring value to one another’s existence.
I will not protect you, or solve your problems unless you tell me what you want from me. I do not know what you want and I will not pretend to. I know you want to communicate freely with me as I do with you, so do so, tell me what you want, what you need when you need it as I will do for you.
I will not stop you from living your life, from experiencing you, and there is no possible way for you to stop me. Living my life is living my best life, if the best life is the one with you that is where I will be, if it is not I will not be. Same for you, I will not hold onto you to fill my own aloneness.
We will communicate, about everything, there will be no taboo, there will be no jealousy. There may be, we will talk about it anyway, we will both know it is safe to do so, that I do not need to protect your feelings as you do not need to protect mine. I know in truth that lying blocks my path, it blocks yours, it will block ours, I am putting a stop to it before it starts.
Anything, anything at all you need to experience I will support. By need this means you will understand why you need to do it, as I will understand why I need to do what I do before doing it. The safety in our space allows allows us to act rather than simply react to every attachment screaming from within our being.
I choose to emphasise this so that you understand. Anything at all. Should being the attention point of a screaming eagle be that thing above all things you need to participate in I will support you. Not only will I support you I will sit in the room and watch to make sure you are safe. You will not expect me not to laugh at the scene presented in front of me in future conversations, you will allow me to enjoy myself as you, possibly, enjoy yourself.
I will not come on holidays with you unless I want to, I will not stop you from going, no matter what you do there you will be welcome home. I do not care what you do, I only ask that you consider my safety, in particular my health when participating in activites which may impact these areas in the future. You do not need to keep your activities a secret, you are not my property, I know you are experiencing yourself as you need to in order to not have those needs become a dead weight between us. I love you already, this is what true love allows.
You don’t have to be what everyone thinks a women needs to be in order to be with me, you do not even need to have a cunt. The sex I choose I base on what I project to the world. I choose my stereotype and titles based on the least confusing options available to me, the only option I choose for myself which is void of confusion is man.
I know for others the choice is not so simple, much more confusing, not so much for themselves but for those they interact with. I know that even if your nipples don’t get hard when you are aroused, your skin does not start to glow, your vagina does not get wet, none of these exempt you from the category. I know that even if you get a massive erection when I kiss you it doesn’t mean you are a man.
What matters more than any of this is what you project to the world, if you project femininity and then choose the stereotype of female for yourself you are a female. Should there be minimal confusion in your femaleness, there will be minimal confusion in me.
Let it be knnown, I prefer a vagina than an arse, it does thngs that other appendages cannot, I have also already mentioned some of things I enjoy in a biological female.
Now, I need you to understand this, when we communicate we communicate, we use both our rational brains and the less rational, but first we be rational. To get angry at biology versus choice is ignorance, gender choice versue biology are completely different subjects, one comes with serious safety concerns when it is fought.
We are seeing the separation this causes, seeing the ignorance and stupidity towards it causes, athletes of male biology competing in women’s sports. I will not continue, should you not be able to understand this sentence, you will not understand me, you will add no value to my life, you already add no value to anybody’s life.
I know when we have sex, from my own experience, that when a women of female biology moans she sounds like a female, everything that appeals to me. When I have sex with a women of male biology I know she does not sound like a female, I hear the huskiness in the groan, the voice box in the voice. You can do nothing about this and nor can I, all we can do is patient so we can understand together.
Really, that’s all I’m asking for you, for me, for us, to understand together.
There are some things which will limit us, but they won’t, they may not get in the way but they will. Excessive adipose tissue, I do not like tio touch, it does not feel nice, and it tells me many things about you, most importantly the significant confusion in your life. This confusion shows me you cannot be just you while I be just me, it will be very difficult becuase you are just not ready for the challenges that will be presented, the personal responsibility required to live with the challenge, the openness to be open to the harm you do to yourself.
Ultimately this is all I offer truth, breaking through the narrative that harms, opening our lives up together to be free in the space.
When you’re ready I’m ready bud.
Much love,
The Groundskeeper