G’day. The Narrator instead of being in a space to write a new chapter is in a space to share.
Frederick’s statement, written a little while ago, is the topic of sharing. The statement is a focus on the I Am comment which is repeated by many spiritual leaders, gurus and ignoramuses. A statement none have been able to explain.
This bloke can, will and already has. This is how it is done, how you know he knows what he is talking about when others do not. He worked for all the learnings he describes, he did not wait for some dumb shit to whisk him off to freedom. HIs freedom he worked for, just as you can.
The Statement.
I sat down at the caravan park, it wasn’t the place for me. There is a tree, in a park, that is where I wanted to be. It is where I am.
This is home, I know that, this beautiful place called Lismore in the Northern Rivers of New South Wales. This is where I want to be, it is where I am.
My name is Frederick Coenraad Nortje. It means nothing to me but it is who I am, it means everything. I never knew what it meant, all it ever meant was that I am going to be my father. My father, from South Africa, had the same name, it is who he was. My name is who I am.
One day I looked up the meaning of my names, both of Germanic origins, Frederick meaning peaceful ruler and Coenraad brave advisor. A name I didn’t deserve, a name I was unworthy of, but I know I am.
I was born in Australia, the first to my father, the first of his lineage to be placed in this phenomenal place. I am not Australian, I do not identify. I know that Australia has made me who I am.
It all means nothing, but it means everything. I am not my name or the origins of my birth. I am not Yugoslavian, the birthplace of my mother’s parents and I am not Dutch or French, the origins of my father and my name. That is not me but it is who I am.
I didn’t want to use my name, my Dad once told me it was unique to us. I didn’t want to put my brothers and sisters in danger so I looked it up, it is not unique at all. I will not put my brothers and sisters in danger, this is who I am.
I do not use my face, I do not want attention, I do not want you to follow me, I am not a leader. I am servant, it is what I am.
Home has been many places, Australia, New Zealand, Gabon, Iraq, the Solomon Islands, Mexico, Guatemala, Peru, Germany, a campervan, a tent, under a tree. Home is my body, it is the only place I live, it is where I am.
I have been abused and I have abused, I have been discriminated against and I have discriminated, I have been violated and I have violated, I have laughed at your jokes and you mine, I have been embarrassed and embarrassed others. I have loved, hated, cried, screamed, every single emotion you have. I am human, it is what I am.
I have lied and cheated, I have told the truth and played fair. I have learnt my path for me, the characteristics that make me safe, the activities that make you safe. I am safety, it is what I am.
I have learnt that words are not harmful but they are the most harmful thing in this world. I have learnt how to use them and I know I will never I abuse them again. I learn, this is what I do, it is who I am.
I pay attention to stupid things, to the reading guidelines on this thing to make it easier for you, I will not talk in a park when I may attract attention, I will do my best to make sure you are comfortable. I care, it is what I do, it is who I am.
I use simple language, my words, my hand signals, my face, my laugh, it all tells the truth in the most simple of ways. I will keep myself simple because simplicity makes it easier to tell the truth. Simple is what I am.
I say no to my own breath, my own freedom, when it tries to stop my pain and suffering, when it tries to give me back to me. I do not want anything given to me. I want to know why I am doing what I am doing, why I am the way I am.
I want to know why I am the way I am so I can share it with you, so I can talk to you in your language, so I can support you. This is just the way I am.
I tell the truth without fear for my safety, without fear of losing everything, without fear of you taking my life. I do not care if you are the most violent person on this earth or the safest, the most powerful or timid, if you are my world. You are my brother and my sister and I will do anything to help you realize this, anything but tell a lie. I will not block your path to open mine, this is the way I am.
I do not pressure you, I try not to, sometimes I do. I try to only say things twice, but some times I say them thrice or thirty thrice. I do my best, I know you are doing your best too. It is who you are, it is who I am.
I break apart when I see a starving child, I break apart when I see what is being wasted in order for that child to starve. It breaks my heart, it breaks every cell in my body. I do not understand, it is who I am.
I feel the pain of the world through the pain I see in our children, through the pain I see in you. I hold onto that pain because it helps me to understand you, I put myself through hell every day just so you can find a moment of peace. I do it all with a smile on my face, when I cry I smile. I am my smile, it is who I am.
I am my beautiful voice, a voice I do not recognize. My voice is new, I listen to it over and over and over, I cannot believe it is me. This is a voice that is clear, calm and full of emotion without any emotion at all. It is not what it was, but it is what it is, my voice is what I am.
I try not to keep saying because, truth, I know and all the rest of it, but I do. I will not pressure myself to get things right, I will get them right when I do as I know you will get them right when you do. I am empathy and I am compassion, it is what I am.
I stand up for myself, I stand up for myself to stand up for you, to stand up for Mother Earth when it feels like I am the only one who is willing to listen to you, to her. I will be isolated and alone just to speak for those that cannot, for the me that could not. I love, it is what I do, it is what I am.
I sit in a park with tears coming to my eyes when my little brother comes to my thoughts, my little brother who had to witness his brothers and sisters being tortured. My little brother who I love more than anything in this world, I will break his heart to protect his children, to protect him. I know one day he will know this too. I have given up everything I care about for you, I have given up you. I do not give up myself, the only thing I love more than that beautiful fucking man, this is who I am.
I say fuck and I say cunt when I don’t want to, knowing it isolates me from you, knowing that isolation is born of discrimination. I know what discrimination does to me, and therefore I know what it does to you. I use these words and other stupidity to teach you this, to teach me this. It is who I am.
I do not care who you are, I do not care who I am, I know we are the same. We are the same pain, love, suffering, backgrounds, futures, races, skin, blood, breath. I am the same as you, I care about nothing but you, but me. I am the same as you it is who I am.
I am my breath, my thought, my mind and my body. I am an atheist, a Christian, a Muslim, a Buddhist, a gangster, a socialite, a loner. I am everything I am fighting against, it is who I am.
I leave my shit lying around in the open. I do not care about the iPad I write on, the chair I sit, my car, my house, my fucking stupid money. I have never had to steal to live, I know if you do you need it more than me. I do not let it separate us, it is who I am.
I do not care about the information in your head, I know it is the stories that are stopping you from knowing you, from being free. I have done nothing but work on myself in order to be with you to help you understand this. I work to make sure we understand each other, it is what I do, it is who I am.
I know that understanding each other, listening to one another, hearing what our brothers and sisters are expressing is where peace lives. I do not want anything for myself, not even forgiveness. You do not need to ask me to forgive you, I already have. Peace and forgiveness is what I am.
There is not a single thing in this world I will not do for you, nothing at all with the exception of violence. It is my only condition, my only fence, it is a fence I choose, a fence that doesn’t have a boundary. I know I have two choices violence, or non-violence. I choose non-violence, it is who I am.
I know my choices are my choices, my breath is my choice, as yours is yours. My gender, sexuality, name, living conditions, clothes, words, thoughts, actions, reactions, and many other words are all my choice. My choice is who I am.
I do not care about free will, destiny, karma, past lives, future lives, spirituality, and the rest of it. I know it doesn’t matter, I know it only separates me from you when it does. I know unity with myself allows me to unite with you, to assist you to unite with you. Oneness is what I am.
I know words like enlightenment, bliss and God are a prison for many of us. I know that these words are freedom for others. I know we can teach and be all these things when we understand them, I know we are none of them when we don’t. I know these are the limitations of our language as they are the complexities of it. I know I can talk about the same thing in a million ways, from everyone’s perspective, I know this is my common language. My ability to hear you as you is what I am.
I know my face and my body stop you from seeing me, as yours stop me from seeing you. I know these things are meaningless and I choose to see beyond them while choosing to see them. I know the lines on your face, the way you hold your body, where you look when we talk, the clarity of your words, the confusion in your expression shows me your pain and suffering. It shows me mine, pain and suffering is who I am.
Most of all none of it is me, none of it is you. I know all of it is you, all of it is me, it is both at the same time. I know that in my statement I am teaching you what the statement I am means, I know I make it easier for you to understand when I say I am Me, I know this as it is how I came to understand it. I am showing you it is just who I am, it is just who you are. It is who we are. I talk from experience, It is who I am, I am Me.
I know that my family and my best friends are plants, a brother from my mother, a brother from another mother, a sister from the origins of my name, the man who offered me a cigarette, you, me. I know my best friend is truth, it is what I am.
I know the two tools that I use, this and YouTube, are exactly that. I know they can be used to influence in the most beautiful of ways, and the most harmful of ways. I know the tool is not the problem, it is how I use them. It is what I am.
I know that my diet, killing animals, media, devices, relationships, removing things from the ground, putting shit into the air are not my problem. I know my problem is my relationship with them. I know it is not what I consume but how I consume that matters. It matters who I am.
This is really all that matters, nothing else, just me being me. I am afraid because I do not believe that I am worthy of my breath. I know that my belief is the reason behind everything I have expressed to the world. I know I can turn that belief into truth when I am willing to ask myself questions and give myself my own answers. My position and my views are my own, they are what I am.
I know that I am is nothing and everything. I know it is freedom and confusion. I know this because it was for me, it still is. I know that all this statement means is that I am the person I was put here to be. I am a simple man from a small country town in country Victoria surrounded by nothing but green grass and cows that somehow managed the impossible, freed himself from his chains. My attachments are not who I am, my freedom is who I am.
Yet still, after all this, I do not believe that I deserve my breath but I know that I do. I know this is the only thing that has stopped me from living. I know I am worthy of my name, of my breath, of my life. I really really know that I am.
I am Frederick Coenraad Nortje, I am me, I am simple, it’s just who I am.