Yelling and screaming, Fred has done it, doesn’t want to do it again. He will should he need to, should it be what he needs to express. Clearly there has been a need.
He stopped writing for a bit, the Narrator was making a lot of noise in the last few chapters. The last one especially. All the trash Fred hears wanted an outlet, it got it. Freddy paid attention to it all, it’s done, the yelling can now stop.
It wasn’t just the noise that prompted Fred to step away from the keyboard. It was himself firstly, needed some time to recalibrate and review what he was doing. Writing daily, there was and continues to be much to say, the narrative was starting to consume his thoughts, narration started to occur in his head in everyday life, Fred was losing balance.
The unbalancing was recognised, it was time to step away and regain balance. He has done so through simple attenttion to himself. Freddy recognised what he was doing was starting to become unaccessible, was starting to become harmful to himself, his thoughts/narrative started to take over his day to day. Fred worked through it with his process, balance has been restored.
Fred’s process is a simple process. The attention he has to his own self makes it simple. Attention, as mentioned previously, he learnt and mastered, it is the foundation for balance in all things in his life.
There is a line that is repeated somewhat regularly, Fred will not lie, he will not block your path to open his. The Narrator wonders if the reader understands what this means.
Returning to the conversation with the peron who projects jealousy in Fred’s direction, the one who asked for a recommendation and cracked the wobblies when she didn’t get the recommendation in the words, the way she wanted.
Frederick has the capacity to give her what she wants, to lie to her. He has the capacity for the worst of the worst stuff he writes about, the height of the potential of violence, he has the capacity. War, he has the capacity to be it, create it, participate in it. Every human being has this capacity.
The worst behaviours in this world are being done by humans, humans are doing this. Every human is a human, when one has the capacity for something every one of them does. It is the potential of human beings, all of them, you, your family and friends, your children, Fred. Fred does not participate in the worst stuff, it is a choice he makes. A choice he makes through clarity in understanding his choices. He knows where his choices take him, what they do to his universe, he makes the choices that are safe knowing all the while he can choose the unsafe option. They are his choices, he knows them.
Never will he say ‘no, no, no, not me, not ever, never, I am not capable of that’. Never. He knows he is. Saying no to his capacity is ego, stubborness, pride, these are the only things driving the attachment to the view of I am not violent. While he refuses to accept what he is he projects that violence without being able to recognise it. He projects the violence to the world in ways he does not realise, he violates many through his inability to accept himself and his capabilities as a human. All the harmful ways this book has already identified.
So, to lie to Leanne is a projection of this violence.
There is only one reason he would lie to her, tell her what she wants in the way she wants. The motivation behind it is knowing that it will cease the continued contact, remove this stupid from his life. The lies would free him of her attachment, exactly what he is aiming towards.
This is not the way of progress however. Removing the attachment through telling her what she wants to hear is what she is trying to achieve so she never has to look at herself and take responsibility for her crappy life. If she gets what she wants in the way she wants Fred is removed from her head, but so is her responsibility to herself.
The freedom from Fred Leanne gets from this approach is not freedom. When one does not accept the crappy things they are doing to the world they continue to do them. Fred lying allows this, it allows her to go away and attach herself to someone else and repeat all the same behaviours, abuse and violate someone elses life as she has Freds. Maybe children will come into that universe, Leanne now has multiple people to abuse and violate. Not once will she look at herself and what she is doing. The cycle of abuse continues for generations as it has in generations current and past.
This is what lying creates. Fred, through lying and giving her what she wants is not only allowing the violence to continue he is implicit in it (directly involved). Through every one of her abusive actions Fred is culpable, equally commiting the abuse.
While someone, even just one person, is telling the truth in the way it needs to be said Leanne cannot remove the thoughts in her head that are screaming at her to look at herself and what she is doing to the world/herself through her actions. Her abusive violent approach to her life cannot be ignored by herself. She has to look at herself, there is no other alternative.
Fred lies to her, she can stop looking, she continues to believe she is the lies she calls herself. There will be no progress in her life, she will never move towards any type of freedom. Fred’s intention is for every person to start to discover their own freedom. He will not block their path in any way, will not block it to make his simpler. He knows that his existence does not become more simple through the lying approach, he lies he starts to return to the terrible world he lived in, the one where he was not isolated and alone, the one where he was lonely.
This is what he means when he says the line I will not lie, I will not block your path to open mine.
He also knows that lying to Leanne does not open his path either, it blocks it too, even if it feels more simple without the distraction it is not. It’s not a choice he will make.
While he tells her the truth she has to keep looking at herself, she cannot commit the same abuse and violence without giving it a thought. She has to, the truth is there in her head, it cannot be ignored. Truth, even if it is coming from just the one person, keeps her path to freedom, to living open. Fred has no guilt or responsibility in her projections and the outcomes of them. Guilt, the emotion does not return to his life, his freedom remains. All paths are open.
Again, the meaning of not blocking one path to open another.
Fred also knows his previous life with all his family, friends, a solid job was absolutely lonely. There was nothing real in it. No connection, no community. There is none of that in this world, being surrounded by people saying and doing only superficial nothingness, all being driven by greed and money is not connection. The approach, everybody’s approach, is extremely lonely.
Everyone knows it is lonely, it is the reason every person distracts themselves with everything, especially screens. Spends all their time on these things, is never alone with themselves for a moment. Such a lonely nothing life.
Distracts themselves through work, having children, complaining about others parenting, their parents, everything that is the problem. Everything but themselves. Such a lonely life. Fred knows lonely and he knows alone, will choose being alone any day of the week over being lonely. Lies, distraction create loneliness, it is a terribly painful emotion. The painful the world lives in, lonely without being alone, hence the drive to fill lives with distractions and forcing others to be a certain way, controlling others to be just like them.
Fuck that, knows Fred.
There are things Frederick doesn’t want the Narrator to say. Specific things to individuals and organisations, individuals within organisations. Frederick will do that, he’ll take over the chapter. It’s not now. Before he takes over the intention in the preceeding chapters is to help you understand the reasons, motivations and intentions in what he says
There is a second aspect too, he has passed this subject. He only takes over when he has learnt what he was studying. It’s not the major subject, it’s an elective. Frederick takes every elective class, his university is the greatest there could ever be. It is called Frederick Coenraad Nortje the somethingth, there is only one student, just the one teacher. Both are the same thing.
So with aspect two there is a growth, an opening, a further freedom that comes to Fred’s life. He gets to move on to another subject. Soon enough all that will remain is the two majors, cigarettes and intimacy. By the time he gets to them they will be a lot easier to understand, they will be less confusing simply because he has taken the route of knowing as much detail as possible about himself along the way.
The electives are offshoots of the two major blockages, they all mean something in relation to one another, they are relative. They relate.
Fred’s way is slow and patient. The results are significantly more effective than other ways, hoping, believing, puting faith in. The ways cannot be compared, one has worked, none of the others have. Fred’s process is significantly faster than this.
Through learning about himself he has learnt to care and love himself. He really looks after himself. His munchies, can get a bit over the top but he rarely eats shit, most of the foods are good body foods. Ice-cream, this does not last long, a 500 gram tub or four cones may last two days. He buys them once every week or two.
Does this with any shit he buys, it goes within a few heartbeats. From there he uses everything else that needs to be eaten before he restocks the treats. For example, anything with a close use by date has to be eaten or cooked and frozen. Anything fresh eaten or cooked and frozen. He then eats those meals before restocking up on perishable food items with the exception of fruit. He doesn’t waste, when he gets through all the food he rewards himself with shit he loves to eat for a couple of days.
He then rewards himself with the beautiful shit he loves to eat for a week or two, all the new stuff he has cooked. Fred’s a really good cook. His food is healthy, cooked well, tastes beautiful, and is very simple. Learning to cook simply gave him the confidence to want to learn to cook, eventually enjoying it a lot.
Knowing how to cook enabled him to learn how to cook for himself, cook what makes his body feel great. This is the diet he chooses, the my body feels great diet. It’s similar to the chimpanzee’s, with a few additions such as ice-cream, coffee, bread and a bunch of other things. He learnt many of the dietary tools he applies today through paying attention to his body. He was able to fine tune it after researching the chimpanzee he met in his trip.
This man’s body is in great condition, inside and out, it is beautiful. He learnt to make it so himself. Read and watched a heap of crap, all helped him learning to try different things, took tools from heaps of places. Made some of his own. Made himself the perfect body diet for him.
The diet includes exercise, it is all Fred does now. When he was living in cities and towns, travelling and whatever he went to the gym, used outdoor gyms, walked, ran, did exercises on random things and made sure he worked all his muscles in many differrent ways, regularly increased his heartrate.
Being able to run 5km in under 25 minutes, do a muscle up, do some chin ups and stand on a fitball for 10 seconds unaided are his bottom line for his own fitness. Fred gets to the point he is struggling to meet the baseline changes are made.
The changes, he has never had to make them. He didn’t run for a year this past period. His first run since, a few months ago, easily under the 25. Went to the gym and did all he needed to do, got the new job and knows that he is well inside the fitness parameters.
His body tells him this too. Fred looks at himself in the mirror, he can see muscles, his skin looks good, his posture is strong, his face has no harsh lines. His diet and exercise routine are doing their job, as is his mental health routine. Fred, yes, he looks in the mirror, for three seconds and knows everything he needs to, walks away. Sometimes might look when brushing teeth, looks into his own eyes for a few seconds once in a while, spends a few minutes when shaving.
He sees changes quickly, looks closer at the change, investigates his lifestyle choices prior. Makes a change if required, or contnues to adapt the new way to his life. The changes are often improvements, yeah improvements is a suitable word, things that show signs of good health.
Most people, should the Narrator be honest, really have nothing but positive impriovements to look forward to.
The fitball exercise, this is a great tool. Fred can stand on a fitball quite easily, after a little practice now, for ages. Generally stops when it gets to a songs length. He loves Tool, often listens to them doing this exercise, some of their songs are long. Four or five minutes and he’ll jump off generally. Core strength, his focus at the gym. A strong core equals excellent balance. For lifters, a strong core equates to lifting heavier weights.
The core is the most important part of a human body from a functional perspective. Rock hard abber dabbers, this is not the core. Fred has them too, just in a more functional way, appearance. The core is everything that supports the spine, all the muscles big and small that support it. It needs to be twisted, turned, bent and a bunch of other movements to be strengthened. All the spine support muscles from the pelvis to the base of the skull are the core. Strengthen this and you’ll see positive change.
A couple of practical exercises with minimal equipment. One, tense the muscles that stop you from crapping and the ones to stop yourself pissing your pants. Tense them at the same time, whenever you remember, everywhere. Tense them quickly, slowly, strongly, tenderly, every which way, short, long.
Two, get a fitball. Start by sitting on it instead of a chair, just sit on it. Move the hips a little, side to side, back and forward, circles, figure eights. Do it one foot, do it one foot with both feet. Next try and take both feet off the ground, see if you can get to 30 seconds. Then add all the movements again. Kneeling is next. Dead bugs, an exercise routine easily found on the internet, are great on a fitball. Standing post this point. Even standing, all the same movements. Two feet is good enough for Fred, he stopped there. One could continue to one foot, handstands, whatever else.
Great exercises to build strength requiring very little but a ball and a bit of empty flat space. There really are no excuses not to exercise.
Exercise and maintaining a state of fitness does not require competition or any form of competitiveness. It is as simple as looking in the mirror and saying I reckon my body can be a little better. That’s it, competitiveness, particularly in the extremities is not helpful, it is quite unattractive to the Narrator.
Freddy just finished watching the first episode of Lego Masters Australia, it’s a great show. Freddy has enjoyed all of the seasons to this point. There has always been a comraderie between teams, they all want each other to do well. They don’t put any pressure on themselves, all teams are having fun. Teams want to succeed, want other teams to succeed too. It really is a great competition without the distraction of competitiveness.
The current season there is a lot of talk about pressure and representing countries, gotta win, all of this type of stuff. It has taken away from the show the things Fred enjoys. He’ll watch the next episode, maybe number three at some stage too. Should the competitive pressure aspect continue on as it is will not get much further.
There were some beautiful builds today, a flower, some gardens and other bits and pieces, they had Fred thinking. Thoughts about a topic that has been popping regularly into his head recently.
It started a few weeks ago, a christian spokesman was talking about marriage and divorce. Fred can’t remember what the topic was he only remembers the line, if this was to happen there would be no divorce in the world. It’s true there is no need for divorce but it is wrong too. Marriage is the thing that is unnecessary, it is a tool of control. No marriage, no divorce, no being stuck to a document of stupidity, no control.
The church, the Narrator loves talking about this thing. The church, all churches of all religions and denominations, the dumbest of all institutions. Numero uno dumbfuck establishment. Christianity takes number one spot amongst them.
It is simply pure ignorance, all of it. A loving God, a loving messiah in Jesus Christ would not take thousands of years to return to bring peace, it would not happen. A loving anything would not allow the terrible painful destructive shit that happens on planet earth to occur when it promises to stop it. It would not happen, this version of God and Jesus is accepting, more ignoring this extreme suffering. No, a loving anything would not allow it. It would have shown its face over and over again already. It hasn’t, this stupid message is not truth.
The Garden of Eden, this is what the Narrator really wants to get at to finish this chapter. Look around you people, look. Walk into the bush, the forests, rainforests, deserts, rivers, waterfalls, caves, oceans, mountains, snow, all the natural beauty on this planet. This place is beyond phenomenal in its beauty. This world, planet, the earth, the whole thing is the Garden of Eden. Really, it is what it is.
The issue however is that no-one can see it, no-one can sit there and understand the miracle that this earth is, it is the pinnacle of beauty, it is ignored. Completely ridiculous.
Humans were not cast out of the Garden, it is not the message of the eating of the fruit. The messaging is ignorance. So ignorant that the whole point is being missed, the point is ignorance. Adam and Eve being evicted for eating the apple is the analogy that is being misrepresented by all christianity. Completely misrepresented.
The couple were never cast out, they simply stopped being able to see what was right in front of them, the beauty in the garden, the world in which they lived. They started to think they were something different to the animal they were, they became ignorant to themselves. This ignorance is the message in the metaphor. Adam and Eve’s ignorance made them believe they were no longer welcome in their current living conditions, simply because they stopped being able to see the beauty and majesty of their plot. It was still there, they just forgot how to see and appreciate it.
They forgot because they made themselves more important than it all.
Ignorance did this to them, not a fruit, or a snake, not Satan. They are their own Satan, their ignorance shut off their senses, their eyes, nose and ears. These three senses in the great outdoors are flooded with absolute beauty when one can be still and silent with it, when thoughts are not consuming heads.
When there is no silence, when thoughts and technology (cameras for fuck sake) are all there is no beauty exists in this world, none. There is no beauty in a photo, none, zero, zip. Photos have no life, they are death, complete nothingness. Look with your eyes, listen with your ears, smell with your nose, experience the beauty.
Fred knows this is true, beyond doubt knows it is true. Many years ago he was unable to be still with the world. His ignorance inhibited, prevented, him from experiencing it, same as you. The story of the magpie is a direct reflection. Remove the magpie fear, hear the magpie.
Every ignorance he has removed has resulted in the world coming to him. The beauty he experiences now he has no words for. He’ll keep saying beautiful, phenomenal and all the rest, they are the best words he has. They do not even come close to describing his world, the world he experiences.
The animals, yep definitely alive. All the plants, all the trees, water, hills, grass, just everything is as alive to him as he is. Sometimes, today one, no medicine, he finds it difficult to look at the trees, their foliage, simply because they are overwhelmingly beautiful. The beauty took some time for him to adapt to, it was heartbreaking, literally heartbreaking. Still feels the same but he has learnt to be with it now, it is less overwhelming. It is how he knows this world still is the Garden it once was. The Garden all people have been ejected from without being ejected at all.
Fred has a theory, a theory he learnt through medicine experiences. He knows it is true but he cannot provide you the evidence to be convincing enough. Science can, science can support what he says should it be willing to look at things a bit differently.
Fred knows that human eyes do not only take in information, they project it too. There is a so many second delay between information entering the brain and it being processed for most people. This is a science thing, Fred read it a few years ago. Fred, the delay is very small, he lives in the moment.
The delay includes both what is projected and what is received, primarily it is the projection that creates a majority of the delay.
With each new learning about himself the world becomes more and more vivid, alive, beautiful, fantastic, phenomenal. Removing his ignorances has created this, he has removed his judgements, simply sees the world as it is. The delay in information in versus brain processes does not need to get through a whole bunch of junk before it is processed for him. It is processed as it happens, he just sees beauty nothing else. Does not have to call everything something, instead experiences it for what it is, as it is.
The clearing of ignorances, judgements, fears, discriminations, and on and on is what has allowed this. He can take in a whole lot more information/detail, he also knows it is an outcome of what he projects. He knows he projects onto his world, does not only receive.
His eyes, he knows they are not only a receiver of information, they are a projector of it too. Fred can guarantee that should science look into this it will prove him correct. Some forms of blindness, deafness, and other loss of senses will be solved should science remove their attachment to only being able to think a certain way, and instead try alternative options.
Eyes projecting information is one of those alternatives. The Narrator highly recommends science look into it.