Chapter 18 Fred started off by talking about the good laugh he had in the morning. Should he have waited until now he may find it difficult to talk without laughing. The stupidity of people is just so funny.
Yesterday he laughed and laughed and laughed. Reflections about pure stupidity, does not understand how human beings can become so dumb.
The person that initiated the laugh is the dumb. Sends an email ‘I want your help, what do you recommend? FYI this is not attachment driving this, it is self-development’. Fred replies ‘What the fuck do you mean what do I recommend? I recommend doing all the shit I have already told you that you clearly have not read, I recommend listening to me instead of all the Fuckhead’s in your life, dumb cunt’.
Freddy also highlights many other things holding this person back from living, her toxic jealousy number one, this thing is absolutely disgusting. Said it all to her before. This person projects it in the most harmful ways of all the people Fred knows, directs it towards Fred. The reason Fred knows jealousy and its harm on the world when he has not felt it in himself. That, and he watches the world, the disgusting shit you do to each other because of jealousy. It is a version of control, a really harmful version that people do so much awful with.
The worst version.
He highlights all she does is follow, tries to be everyone else, never once been herself. Lies and lies and lies. Trying to get her to understand her life is nothing but trying to please others and caring only about what others think about her, highlighting the major now problems.
He tells her to read his shit, not just this Groundskeeper shit, the replies he has sent to her. Directly has given her the healing technique he knows works, still hasn’t tried it and is asking for recommendations, dumb cunt.
Anyway, tells her to read the Groundskeeper. Tells her she is going to have to address her jealousy in the process, tells he talks about fucking other people and wanting to fuck other people. Says please listen, for once, listen.
She responds, ‘Maybe if you did not talk about fucking other people and call me a dumb cunt I would listen. Honestly, no respect.’ Fred he laughed and laughed and laughed, even more on reflection. First, people, clearly attachment was driving the contact, Fred knew this. This is the new excuse now, never listened when Fred wasn’t talking about rooting others and all the rest of it.
He laughs and laughs because this is how dumb people are. She contacts out of attachments, uses these words thinking Fred won’t see through them. It did not matter, Fred was not trying to make her jealous or feel this way and that, he told her the truth. Answering in response to her words, supporting her self-development. Should there be no attachment the person would listen, when there is they cannot. They cannot reason or rationalise. The attachment presented simply from Fred telling the truth. He gave her exactly what she asked for just not what she wanted hence the outburst.
Ego cannot handle the truth. Ego, pride, stubbornness blows up at the truth. This person did not want the truth, they wanted Fred to say what they wanted to hear in the way they wanted to hear it. It did not want self-development, it wanted Fred to say the things that would make it feel all giddy inside so it doesn’t have to do a single thing. What a shit life, all your lives.
Freddy is doing this shit for a specific reason, he continues to tell the truth no matter what. He will have no responsibility or guilt in what happens to anyone due to their shit decisions. He will not feel guilt to what becomes of himself, he started this all off by telling himself the truth, learning it. He knows the potential consequences, most people would absolutely shit their pants thinking about it but you all know it. Fred knows the potential of human beings when their ego is not fed, he knows he is making himself vulnerable to it all, already has been the victim of it, he does not care. He will not lie, he will not block your path to open his, he will not do it.
Fred is not a coward, he knows this, finally he knows this. Well done buddy.
The specific reason here for his words is that this person has two choices. They are so dumb, like so dumb, the dumbest dumb. They are almost at a point where they cannot get anymore dumb. Absolutely primed to open up and turn their life around, so ridiculously fucking close. The height of what you are right now, in this case stupidity, is the turning point. This point hasn’t quite been reached for this woman but is insanely close, her life is so close to becoming so much better.
It won’t involve Fred in the way she wants, she won’t need to keep contacting him and hanging on. She gets through the height of dumb and she starts to become less and less dumb, realising Fred is not an answer, nobody but her is an answer in the process. She will find her way, she will let go of her attachment to him. However, first, she has to experience the height of that dumb.
Dumb is all she knows, her mother is not smart in any way, coddles and smothers her, gives her everything. Destroyed her life through it. Her father is the dumbest of dumbfucks, the most unintelligent person Fred has met. He is also the most ignorant, stubborn and money focussed, it is what makes him unintelligent. Has done nothing but abuse everyone, especially his daughter, everyone in his life his whole life. The weakest of men.
She is trying to understand her upbringing, she needs to through her own experiences.
There are two ways the height of this dumb can be experienced. Safely or not safely, her options. Fred is more-or-less begging her to take the safe route, do it with him and psychedelics. The alternative she may not make it through, she will do something so fucking dumb, so fucking ignorant that she may not be able to recover. Using the psychedelic world to experience these things does not affect the physical world, experiencing it in the physical world has repercussions that Fred does not want for this woman, or any woman.
She has already had men force themselves on her through ignorance and stupidity, she did not feel safe to say no, or yes, after she had already said no multiple times. He/they said yes, only yes, would not take no for an answer.
The only time Fred has absolutely screamed with all his being at someone besides himself was her, the same scream one more time at her and her friends. Dumb fucks. She was basically raped and was laughing it off like it was a joke, would not look at what she is doing to herself through need of others to like her, need of being loved, need of this and that. Thinking her body is her power. Ended up getting a lasting reminder from it, genital herpes, still too dumb to make the connection between her dumb and the physical outcome.
Fred screamed at her to wake-up, she did not. Tried to get her friends and mother involved to speak some sense to her, none cared. Her mother was too busy walking on the beach. Her friends said ‘so, it is what happens, what men do’. Fred fucking screamed at them. Women you are directly encouraging and participating in the rape of your family, friends and self through accepting this absolute bullshit. You are accepting rape.
The next time it won’t be herpes, it will be so much worse. Fred is trying to save her from this but it is her choice, he will not force it on her, he will tell the truth. She already knows the work they do will not be what she wants, it’ll be Fred’s way, it’ll actually work.
The reason she does not want to do it? Ego and pride again, these destructive forces.
Last night, having a chat to two blokes. Fred had to walk away, just laughed and laughed and laughed. He has three choices he knows in any given situation. One, accept the situation. Two if he cannot accept it change it, the only thing he can change when it comes to interacting with others is himself.
Three, should he or the other party not be willing to change, walk away. The option he chose.
Just bullshit gossip, the second worst thing you all do after jealousy, pure toxicity. Just as bad, worse than war, disgusting human beings.
One bloke, gossip, gossip, gossip, gossip. Fred over and over again, ‘I don’t care, this is rubbish, every word coming out of your mouth is rubbish. Instead of gossip fucking do something about it. Do something about it. Do something about it.’
Clearly he did not want to do something about it.
It’s all about the caravan park here in Lismore in the centre of town where Fred used to live. Shit has happened, it has gone from being a beautiful place to a shit place in weeks. Not because Fred has left. Number one because the absolutely beautiful woman running this place has been walked over by pathetic people, was not supported by the council when she should have been. Council have no spine, weak cunts. She did something, she left, strong woman.
Fred, he jumped on the opportunity, immediately worked to make contact with her to let her know there is a job available where he is. Has already connected her with the owners. This is the closest Fred comes to hoping or wanting outcomes, he hopes and wants this person to get the job. She has done absolutely beautiful things where she was, together (without being together, not one another’s types) they can do this and so much more.
Fred will show her what support means.
The activities that resulted in the gossip happened yesterday. The gossip is just rumour rumour rumour, fucking rumour. Nobody knows anything. Fred was filled in on the basic details by a mate when he got there. It was all he needed to know, the conversation did not continue, they went on to other topics. Next, this other bloke walks over, Fred says g’day, they shake hands and Paul sits down.
I need to piss, Fred goes to the bathroom and returns. Paul has been waiting and waiting for Fred to return, like a little kid so excited it is on the verge of pissing its pants. ‘I just had to wait for you to return to tell this story, just had to wait’, okay go says Fred. Rubbish non-stop. Fred repeats over and over fucking do something about it, don’t just gossip and do nothing, do something about. Do something about it. Do something. Fred walked away.
It affects all of them who live there but nobody knows anything yet, there are no facts, none. This is the do something, don’t spread rumour, start by learning the facts. Speak to council, speak to them, don’t complain and bitch and moan. Open up dialogue, open dialogue, and speak to them. Fucking speak to them, get the facts in writing, know what the hell you are talking about. This is the doing something, do something, start there.
They don’t listen, leave, simple. The whole point of living the nomadic life many do, Fred does, is exactly that, mobile in barely an instant. Fred chooses his life with this being one of the reasons, it is freedom. No attachments, not even to the beautiful place he lives now. When it is time to move on it is time.
People just want to get their way. Fred, of course you can say that you do not live here, you do not care. Dumb cunts, Fred tried to explain how much he cares. It means so much to him that the people here are safe he will do something, is doing something about it, he is saying what he is saying as he is doing what he says. He is risking his friendship with Stu, one of the very few friends he has. Stu, the other person in the conversation. It means the world to him that these people are safe so he does something, he tells them the truth, exactly what the Narrator has repeated here.
He gives them the solution, do something.
‘But Greg, you don’t think about Greg, Fred. Greg and his dialysis’ says Stu. Oh, my friend, my friend, you know Fred cares and thinks about Greg, you know this beyond doubt. Pay attention buddy to what you are saying, what Fred is doing for Greg, it is the only reason he is in Lismore today. Fred cares, it is what he does, he cares enough to do something about the shit that something needs to be done about. He does not waste his life and everybody elses with disgusting gossip.
Gossip is nothing but lies.
Say something, talk to council, learn facts, or fucking leave. Simple. Or accept it and stop bitching and moaning about it, stay for a little while longer, simple.
Fred, he then talked to Greg this morning, only briefly. He loves the man, the second brother he chooses. For Greg it is clearly not the ideal situation, but Greg knows he chooses the life he does. He is not concerned, I’ll be right. The exact reason Frederick was in Lismore, was there for him.
Laughter, it is a funny thing, the above are not funny until you understand it is what you were, what you are, and will always be.
Freddy has done his own version of all of the examples, it is the reason he knows them, the reason his life was the way it is. They are all versions of ignorance, Reader, you must understand the hell in this existence. You know it, you really do.
So, when Freddo laughs at this, these situations, these people, he is laughing at himself.
The other form of laughter is the one he is experiencing now. He knows at the end of it he’ll be pushed to laughing so hard it will borderline crazy. It won’t be, no-one will think it is, not even him this time, it will be beautiful beyond words. He has felt pain beyond words, now he gets to know its oppoisite, not pain. Fred gives this sensation the word beauty, he understands beauty, experiences it all the fucking time.
He just laughs. He laughs at himself. Beautiful.
Bogged Pebbles the other week, Pebbles is the lawnmower. He was in a hurry to get home from work, rushed himself, found himself in one very muddy situation. Got the mower out in the end, ended up leaving 45 minutes later than he would have if he only paid attention. He is teaching himself the same lesson another way now. Took him a while to laugh about it last time.
Yesterday, end of the day, 15 minutes to go, What can I do? Ponders Fredriko. He was on Pebbles at the time. P.S. No drugs at work. Hadn’t had cannabis for a week and a bit, last night fixed that little error. AND, Guess what? He did not flip the fuck out, felt better than ever, freer than ever. It was too gentle, haha!!
Back on in tonight, we’re back together Freddy and me, cannabis. You know, sometimes the Narrator is going to let the medicine speak, obviously it is the Narrator joking with itself. Let’s just make that understood.
So, Adventure path, better make sure people know where to go. Had today off, didn’t want to wait until tomorrow. This is just what he does, he does the shit that takes up space in his head, takes action. He wanted to make sure people were encouraged to walk, to explore, to be in the bush, it could not wait.
Confronted the still wet boggy creek. The walking planks were good enough, zooom, no problemo. Mowed about 15 metres up, decided this could be a good opportunity to continue working on his newfound mower confidence, smacked it in reverse, flawed it. 15 metres later slammed on the breaks, whacked it into drive, flawed it. Zero metres later he is bogged. A bit too confident.
Did this one time with his mate Bill in Colac, in Bill’s car, in the ocean. Oops.
Ends up leaving work 30 minutes late, laughed the whole time and all the way to Lismore.
He is exploring laughter at the moment, it is beautiful. When he laughs with full freedom he will understand it. This game people play with themselves s so much more fun when you choose the topics to explore for yourself.
One of the things he laughed about, just belly laughed, beautiful laughter. Loud laughter. DMT may be what Fred needs for this one but he is going to leave it for a while, make sure. He is happy to take this one slow(er).
Not 15 minutes before meeting the creek for the second time he had just finished talking to some customers about Pebbles. Not a bad machine, says one bloke. ‘Mate, super fun, it’s like, do you know Mario Kart? Yes. ‘It’s like Mario Kart’. Hahaha. Fred laughed too and off he went.
Returning the tractor, needed it to get the mower out, this thought popped into his head, It’s like those things that are thrown to stop other racers in Mario Kart. Then forgot about it for a bit, picked up Pebbles and off to return it. About half way home he just belly laughs from his knees, he actually started to get a sore knee after it, laughed that hard.
There is a specific story to this sore knee, it will be for another time, it wasn’t a funny story, this one is. He now gets to learn the humour behind this moment that broke his heart, and confused him more than he had ever been, he felt a lot of pain to break through that. Did it by himself, alone, strong man.
The Narrator wants to add here the other thing Fred knows now, he deserves his breath, he kept his promises. Number one he kept his promise to himself, I will never be like that man, he is not.
So, he laughed, oh boy, people, this is how you laugh.
Someone threw a banana peel at me. Literally the number one villain of Mario Kart, banana peels. Fuck it was funny.
He wasted the first story telling on Trina, beautiful woman, did not try to pretend understand at all. She did not know Mario Kart. Fred finished telling her anyway, turned around laughed and laughed all the way to Lismore.
Fred came across some beautiful friends today, it is a nice way to explain not allowing attachment into your space, how to keep yourself safe, love yourself enough.. He is writing all of this with a beautiful little psilocybin cubensis sitting next to him. Beautiful thing. Magic.
He has looked it up, he really wanted to eat it, spent an hour or two today trying to resupply unsuccessfully. Exception of Me, Ganja. Ha, any opportunity.
He picked it late in thie day, it hasn’t popped, it has just dried out. There is lightish blueing around the stem, not clear. He is 99.6% sure this is the thing he had a keen interest in sitting with tonight. He has 0.4% uncertainity. He does not put them in his mouth. He makes the right choices for him without taking stupid risks, it’s just simple I have a body, it reacts this way to some things and that way to others. Fred could not be 100% sure this was the one his body likes, he loves his body more than 99.6%. It’s an easy choice.
Hasn’t once thought about eating them since he made his decision. Has not moved the one that is 20 centremetres from his hand, even touched it to reconsider, try to convince himself to be 99.8% sure. Nope, still not high enough, he prioritises himself, his health. Full health.
What else was there, oh, this thing. Clearly, it must be very clear that nothing inside Fred’s head stays there. You must be starting to understand that? He doesn’t think, this must be very clear by now. He just does shit, just does, he is a doer. He says it to everyone, clearly not just the people who agree with him. Haven’t really got there yet, the agreeing part, have we? Funny.
He does what he says, he says what he does. Clear there is absolutely zero thought in any of this. He is expressing himself as freely as he wants everyone to be able to. Clearly everything he is doing meets this criteria.
He is telling the truth, that’s it, nothing more. God, enlightenment, bliss, they are not the truth while also being the truth. While you hold on to one truth you miss the rest. Hold onto none and you experience them all. You get to be a human being, how fucking phenomenally beautiful it is to be one knows Fred.
When he says ‘I just want to be who we are together, just give it a go, have a real conversation’this is what he is saying. He just wants to sit across from another human being who knows they are a human being while also knowing it means everything else, it means nothing. He has put himself through so much for this simple reason. He learnt that this is what life is all about, learnt it by doing it with himself. He was the only one that was willing to try and understand what safety meant, what it really meant.
It meant that I be honest with Me in every way, I tell Me the truth, I do not hide from Me any longer. I do not treat Me like a child. He faced himself, still is, there’s just a whole lot less pain these days, a whole lot more funny.
He knows what it feels like to be treated like a child, as you all do. It’s terrible, it ruined his world. Him treating himself like one ruined it the most. He won’t do it to himself anymore, therefore he will not do it to anyone else. He will never treat you or your child like a child, he will treat you like he does himself.
He had a real conversation with himself. Continues to, that is all this is, a real conversation. Is it that bad, confronting, scary?
Honestly friends, being a Human Fucking Cunt Being is the most beautiful thing there has ever been. Try it, highly recommended.